Psychologists believe that everyone needs to feel loved, and this includes friendships.
The concept of The 5 Love Languages can help us build strong and healthy relationships. It applies not only to romantic relationships but also to family bonds, friendships, and even workplace interactions.
When we feel loved, we can communicate more effectively and enjoy high-quality interactions.
What Are the Love Languages?
The Love Languages theory was developed by Dr. Gary Chapman based on decades of counseling experience. It categorizes human relationships into five distinct love languages:
• Receiving Gifts: Expressing affection by giving thoughtful presents.
• Quality Time: Spending dedicated and meaningful time together.
• Acts of Service: Demonstrating care by doing things for the other person, such as helping with chores or running errands.
• Words of Affirmation: Offering verbal encouragement, compliments, and positive reinforcement.
• Physical Touch: Communicating emotions through physical contact, such as hugs or pats on the back.
According to Dr. Chapman, everyone has a primary love language. When someone “speaks” our primary love language, we feel deeply valued and appreciated.
On the other hand, if two people in a relationship use different love languages, misunderstandings can arise. For example, if one roommate values Acts of Service—expecting the other to help with household chores like cleaning and taking out the trash—but the other expresses friendship mainly through Receiving Gifts by occasionally bringing small presents, their relationship may deteriorate over time.
This mismatch is akin to two people from different countries trying to communicate in completely different languages. Even if both are making an effort to “speak,” the message does not get across, making it difficult to foster a strong and meaningful connection.
Love Languages and Friendship
According to renowned psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, the original author of The 5 Love Languages, although the five love languages were initially developed to analyze romantic relationships, their concepts can be broadly applied to other types of interpersonal relationships, such as in the workplace, family bonds, and friendships.
When both individuals share the same primary love language, it significantly enhances the formation and strengthening of friendships.
While each person may have a different primary love language due to factors like upbringing and innate personality, it is possible to familiarize ourselves with all five languages through learning and practice.
In workplace and friendship dynamics, expressing appreciation in a way that aligns with someone’s primary love language can effectively foster a positive environment and alleviate stress.
For example, if a friend tends to seek words of affirmation during difficult times, offering timely encouragement and verbal support can help them feel valued and uplifted with positive energy.
Whether in professional relationships, interactions with roommates, or the cultivation of friendships, communicating through a shared love language can help resolve misunderstandings and reduce stress.
How to Identify Your Friend’s Love Language?
Observing with Care
What does your friend frequently complain about? What do they actively request?
These are crucial clues for determining their love language. People often tend to ask for what they need the most. For instance, if a close friend seeks a hug during tough times or a best friend complains that you no longer link arms while shopping together, their primary love language is likely Physical Touch.
A high-quality friendship is built on strong social bonds, intimacy, and other positive interactions, with minor conflicts being a natural part of it. Complaints can also be a form of communication. By paying attention to the details in a friend’s negative emotions, you can gain deeper insights and maintain a stronger emotional connection.
Asking Smart Questions
It’s not always easy to take the initiative to improve a friendship, especially when conflicts arise.
However, asking, “Is there something you wish I would do more often?” can reveal valuable insights. The response to this question might indicate their primary love language. For example, if you forgot to give them a gift on their birthday and they felt disappointed, their primary love language could be Receiving Gifts.
Taking a Love Language Quiz
A person’s dominant love language can also be identified through psychological assessments.
[The 5 Love Languages Online Quiz – Friendship Edition]
By selecting the statements that resonate most with them, individuals can discover which love language best represents their way of expressing and receiving affection. The category with the most chosen statements will be their primary love language.
Friendship Love Language Quiz
Try completing the following sentence:
“An ideal friend should ________.”
By taking this quiz, you can identify the statements that resonate with you the most. The category with the highest number of selected statements represents your primary friendship love language.
Sometimes, you may feel inclined to choose more than one primary love language. However, for the most accurate results, try to narrow it down to just one.
A: Words of Affirmation
• Receiving caring notes or text messages from friends
• Hearing a friend say that I am important to them
• Receiving verbal praise and affirmation from a friend
• Being appreciated and complimented after accomplishing something
• Hearing a friend say they support me
• Receiving an encouraging message from a friend when I’m feeling down
• Being told by a friend that I am irreplaceable
B: Quality Time
• Doing activities that both my friend and I enjoy together
• Wanting to spend uninterrupted time with my friend
• Simply hanging out together without needing to do anything special
• Being in the same space with a friend, even while doing separate activities
• Having my friend listen attentively without interrupting me
• Engaging in conversations with my friend without them constantly checking their phone
• Discovering shared interests with my friend
• My friend taking time to listen to my thoughts and feelings
C: Receiving Gifts
• Receiving a surprise gift from a friend
• Getting a thoughtfully chosen present
• Receiving a small gift as a keepsake of a special memory
• Looking forward to receiving a gift from my friend on my birthday
• Having my friend bring me a souvenir from their trip
• Expecting a gift from my friend on special occasions
• A friend bringing me food they found delicious because they thought of me
• A friend buying me something fun they came across while out and about
D: Acts of Service
• My friend finding ways to help me solve a problem
• My friend assisting me with a troublesome task
• My friend noticing my needs and helping me without me having to ask
• Even with small tasks, my friend is willing to help
• My friend making time to help me despite their busy schedule
• My friend running errands for me when I’m overwhelmed
• My friend doing something for me even when it’s not their responsibility
• My friend not only sharing advice but also taking action to help ease my burden
E: Physical Touch
• High-fiving, playful nudges, or other friendly gestures during happy moments
• Receiving a comforting hug from a friend when I need reassurance
• Celebrating achievements with a handshake, high-five, or hug
• Getting a pat on the back or a hug when I’m feeling down
• Being greeted with a hug when reuniting with a friend after a long time
• A friend giving me a reassuring pat on the shoulder when showing support
• My friend noticing when I’m tense and giving me a friendly shoulder pat or squeeze
• Sitting close to a friend while chatting
Mindy
Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology, Licensed Clinical Psychologist (License No. 2802).
Mindy has completed clinical training in psychiatric and child mental health departments in hospitals. She specializes in psychodynamic therapy, psychodrama, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Passionate about promoting psychological knowledge, she serves as a psychology content consultant and mental health seminar speaker.
